Out of Order

 

Currently on vacation. I could post in my blog, but we all need a break some times, even if we have to force ourselves to it. Will be back soon. Have a lot to write about then.

Peace & Blessings

Sometimes I get to thinking about life… Reflecting on my decisions in life, where I am, and where I have been before… Sometimes I just cannot even begin to believe the sheer amount of blessings that Allah has bestowed upon me and my family to the point of being in pure awe of everything surrounding me.

Tonight is one of those nights… Glory be to Allah, we had tonight, one of the most successful events I have ever attended, or been a part of in my life as a Muslim. I must admit, there were times when I had my doubts that this event would ever succeed, almost to the point of leaving the organization completely because of the small amounts of pressure I felt leading up to our event…. Tonight has changed everything that I previously thought… The amount of positivity I felt in that room tonight was nothing short of awesome, and the feeling of solidarity was truly inspiring. InshAllah, the future looks bright.

Time to check out for the night.

* AM *

Slavery

I look down at my feet… The cold steel wrapped around my ankles began to cut into my skin sending a sharp pain through my leg and up my spine… The chains that kept my feet closely bound rustled on the floor as I tried to adjust myself so the pain would lessen…

I looked out of my cell…. Iron bars, that is all that seperated me from the rest of the world… For how long have I dreamed of freedom… For how long will I have to keep the dream alive… My mind and body have turned to lifeless reminants of their once selves… I have not left my imprisonment for weeks, months, or even years… I have barely enough room in this cell to stand… The walls are closing in on me, and the space is feeling small….

Shattered Dreams and Broken Heart

Just as I had fallen in love with her, I had fallen out of love with her. The pieces of the remains of my shattered heart lay there on the floor, while I look for a reason, for an explanation, for some soul to tell me… for some lost soul to tell me what I had done to deserve such a feeling of desperation… such a feeling of vulnerabilty… such a feeling of hopelessness…

I trusted her… I trusted her with my most precious and prized possession… I trusted her with the one thing that I was told not to trust her with… I trusted her with my trust… I trusted her with my love… I trusted her enough to share my most inner, deepest, darkest secrets… secrets that I could not, and would not tell another… secrets that if let known could crush the very being that is this man… secrets that if let go would destroy my soul, and my whole being… until nothing was left…

I looked her in they eyes and I told her that I loved her… I looked her in the eyes and I told her I loved HER… I looked her in the eyes and I told her that I LOVED HER… And she stared back at me blankly… For a second, I thought she didn’t love me back… The words that I said were from the depths of my heart and were spoke with sincerity… but perhaps the words were not spoken with enough clarity… And just as I was about to give up hope, she declared her love to me… She told me that she loved me too… And I believed her… Just like that, I believed the very words she said were said in sincerity like mine before… I saw past all the hesitation, and I looked deep into her eyes, and I swore, for a split second that I saw it… that I saw the deep love and affection that I felt for her radiating back to me… that for a split second we connected on a level not of this world….

But there I was, standing on the cold white marble floor, picking up the pieces of my broken heart… All that meant something before, was merely a mirage in the desert of my life… All that was once hope, was now gone… All that was once a dream, was merely a blink of reality… All that existed was no more… I had become a mere reflection of my inner self, shivering in the solitude of the silence that surrounded me… And surprisingly there were no tears…. there was no pain… there was only me… there was only me… alone…. afraid…

I fell in love with her… And as quickly as I was swept up by her beauty, I was shattered by her cold stab to the left of my chest… I was buried by the very thought of her re-existence…

I am now, who I have become. She is now a faint memory in the novel of my life. Love is no longer simply words to be said… But love is better when felt by the warmth of our hearts, and the touch of our souls… Physical attraction is overrated, beauty shines within, and life is worth living once again…

Writer’s Block 002

Writers block… Writers block… Writers block…

I actually do have alot that I would like to write about, but unfortunately, none if it seems to be coming out at the moment. Oh well…. Today was a stressful day, and tomorrow is my last final of the semester. Then I can concentrate on my job for a little over a week until I leave to Persia (you see… I would say Iran, but people associate that with “TERRORISM” and “NUCLEAR BOMBS” and such, so I try to avoid it).

Speaking of which, who gave the government of the United States the right to start pointing the finger at Iran?! If anyone needs the finger pointed at them, it is definately George Bush and his posse. There is no greater terrorist entity in operation today than that of George Bush and Co. Go ahead, argue with me all ya want. Throw some more Al-Qaeda bulls**t at me, and see if I care. Try to claim that Osama is hiding in a cave in Iran, and see what happens!

Am I taking a risk by writing this in my blog. Most definitely I am, and I am aware, but in case nobody noticed, I am just about to the end of my rope with this whole “WAR ON TERROR” crap that I am forcefed each an every day of my life. I am tired of being profiled! I am tired of being stared at! I am tired of being streotyped! I am tired of my friends disappearing and winding up in jail.

Oh, we deserve it do we? Just like the Native Americans deserved what they got?! Hell yeah, those d**n injuns, kill ‘em all. Who needs ‘em? Or perhaps we deserve it as the African peoples deserved to be taken into slavery and oppressed for hundreds of years. Those d**n niggers, right?

Yeah, I can’t agree more. We do deserve it, just as much as they did….

* AM *

His Beauty

There was a man who once walked the face of this earth whose beauty superseded that of any who would come after him. His model was that of the most perfect of men, and the most precise in character. His actions on this earth have changed the direction of history, and influenced the lives of millions and millions of individuals the world over. Considered by many to be the sole guide in their lives, no other man that has breathed in air has had such an opportunity.  Brighter than the sun, fairer than the moon, his beauty is so dazzling, and his soul so enlightening.

What I wouldn’t give to meet this man… I feel so ashamed that I cannot follow in his footsteps as I should. How saddened I am by the state I continue to live in, even though I know I am doing wrong. He was the bearer of great news, and the comforter of souls, yet we do not honor his name as it is deserving. I shed a tear for my pain, and just hope that it is not in vain…

* AM *